PBA's Nuggets on Inanity

My good ol' work buddy, Mr. New York himself, Baby Fetus Craig, recently emailed me the following quote, which I was recorded (soberly) uttering at work sometime during the past year:

"If pancakes had little arms and legs and walked around like little, flattened, circular people, I'd always carry syrup and silverware."

I've been sequestered in a heavy metal door sealed domicile in the dirt-road backstreets of Cobàn, Guatemala for over a week. I sleep on a cot on the floor in a closet. Hardly a kidnap victim, I'm camped out with a trio of generous Spanish-fluent Italians who saved me from bus station blundering in Puerto Barrios nearly a week ago...maybe a week ago...days no longer exist except to distinguish the newspapers I struggle to read with my morning coffees, toasts and breads. The homecooked meals are fantastic, I sleep comfortably, and my Spanish is creeping toward advanced infant. I keep planning to leave, this was initially but a one-night stay, but I haven't made it out yet. A detailed update is forthcoming.